Post Traumatic Growth: Ken Falke on Changing the Landscape of post-combat related mental health
Ken Falke is a 21-year veteran of the U.S. Navy Special Operations Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) community and retired Master Chief Petty Officer. He is the founder and chairman of Boulder Crest Foundation, an organization that focuses on the wellness of combat veterans through teachings of Posttraumatic Growth.
Transcript:
Lauren Stenger: Today Kate and I are so happy to be here with Mr. Ken Falke. Could you introduce yourself a little bit?
Ken Falke: Yeah, my name is Ken Falke, and I'm the Chairman of the Board at Boulder Crest Foundation here in Bluemont, Virginia.
How do you think your childhood has affected your success throughout your life?
Ken Falke: Well, I had a great childhood. And thanks for that question. Because we do think that as humans, we become the sum of our training so and all that training starts when we're children. I had a great childhood, you know, with one major exception, which is my mom died when I was seven years old. But my dad remarried and my stepmom who raised me is a wonderful lady. I grew up in a really good family and had minimal trauma during my childhood and had a lot of great mentors as a boy scout. And I worked for amazing people. I grew up just outside of Washington, DC in a very military neighborhood. So a lot of my bosses, my scout masters, they were all military officers who were really good guys, and kind of kept me on the right track. So I feel like I had a pretty good childhood during my life.
Do you feel like those role models influenced you to go into the Navy?
Ken Falke: Yes. That's the short answer, the longer answer: my dream in life was to play professional ice hockey. I didn't do very well in high school. Terrible SATs score, no chance of playing Division One hockey, which at the time, was the way to get into professional hockey. I thought I'd take a chance, so I drove to Texas to try out for a farm team, a professional farm team in Fort Worth, Texas. That didn't work out, but I spent a year in Texas working at an ice rink, running their youth and adult hockey leagues and public skating sessions and all that kind of stuff. And back in 1980, there wasn't a lot of ice skating in Texas. Hockey is big in Texas today, but it wasn't in 1980. But when I realized my life was on a downward plane, I think what came back to me was all these childhood mentors, and I had seen the success of all these military families and all the travel, I'd never traveled anywhere. My dad was a cop in DC. We were lucky to go on a vacation to the beach, Virginia Beach or something, but never went anywhere. So I thought I'd go see the world and the Navy was a great way to do it.
What are some of your favorite keys to success?
“Ken’s 10”
1. Have a vison, and let people know.
2. Short term goal setting. Write your goals down.
3. Be able to listen.
4. Be kind.
5. Work hard. Hard work pays off.
6. Surround yourself with good people.
7. Be loyal to others and yourself, and find satisfaction.
8. Be accountable when you do mess up in life.
9. Take calculated risks.
10. Give back to others.
Ken Falke: First of all, I define success as doing better today than we did yesterday. I think that's important because when you ask people, a lot of people think that success means money. And to some people it does, but it doesn't me. I mean, we were very fortunate. I started a company, we sold the company, and we did make some money. But I think that the basic definition of success is really just getting a little bit better every day. And that's what I do. When I give presentations on leadership, I actually have 10 things. I call it Ken's 10 List. 10 things that I think is really what makes us successful. The first one is in your life to have some sort of a vision of where you want to go. Otherwise, every morning when you get up in the morning, you know it kind of becomes this proverbial life of the tail wagging the dog. And let people know too, don't just keep that to yourself. Let people know what you want to do because it's amazing how many people in this world love you and like you and want to help you get to where you want to go. The next one is goal setting. I'm a big proponent of setting goals writing down. Lots and lots short term goals. Don't look out into the future because none of us can predict what's going to happen four or five years from now. But we can work hard on trying to get something accomplished for tomorrow or the week, a month, and maybe even out as far as a year, but don't go any further out than a year. Setting these goals and then working really hard to accomplish. The third thing I think that we as humans have to do to be successful is be able to listen to each other. In a world where everybody wants to talk, and everybody wants to post things on social media, listening is really important more now than I think ever. That's a great key to being successful in life. The fourth thing is being kind; I don't think anybody likes to be around nasty people, but unfortunately, there's a lot of them in this world. And they have a hard time changing that, but really, to be kind and be kind not only to yourself, but to others. The fifth one is to work hard, hard work pays off, you cannot get rich quick, unless you inherit a lot of money or something, but you've got to work right is really important. The other thing is to surround yourself with good people, we always tell people that you become the average of the three to five people you spend the most time with, so find that three to five people that are really good in your life. They're not toxic, they're not causing drama, and really just to be kind of connected there. The next one is to find a way of being loyal in your life to others, and yourself and to be satisfied with life. I always tell people that happiness is kind of the manifestation of status or satisfaction. So finding something that you're satisfied and doing, if you get up every morning, you're doing something you hate, you're never going to be happy. And if you're only working to be happy, and you never changed that thing that you're doing that makes you unhappy, it doesn't work. So find a way to be loyal to others and then satisfied with your own life. The other thing is to be accountable when you when you do mess up in life, to own it, and to fix it, to analyze it, and to make sure that whatever you did wrong, you do better. And the ninth thing is to take calculated risks. I always say it's hard not to be successful by taking risks. You can't take the easy way out because the easy way doesn't give us the lessons learned that we need when we have failures. Taking a risk means that there might be a failure, and that failure is something we want to learn from. And then the last thing is really giving back to others. Once you do become successful, and even on the journey to success, helping other people that aren't as fortunate as you is really important.
Has that list grown through your own life experiences? Are those things that you've had to learn personally?
Ken Falke: I think so. I mean, I'm almost 59 years old now. So, there's a lot of life lessons learned, and you try to figure it out every day, you know? The secret to life, I think, is to keep increasing our wisdom, right? All the way through life, and just to get smarter and smarter about the things we don't know. And that's what you do. The other day, I thought about adding another thing to my list, which was number 11. But it didn’t rhyme with Ken.
Kate Stenger: Going back a little bit, you were in the Navy for a very long time. And then you made that switch to focus on something completely different, something that revolved around mental health and recovery. How did you feel when you made that life transition? And then also, what advice would you give to someone who is considering changing the path they're on?
How did you feel when you made that life transition? And then also, what advice would you give to someone who is considering changing the path they're on?
Ken Falke: I was in the Navy for 21 years, and I ran a business fro 10. The business was kind of oriented around what I did in the Navy. So I kind of had this 30 year career of kind of doing the same thing. But all through my career, I think I especially as I got more senior in the Navy, one of my jobs was taking care of people and then obviously I'm a father, now a grandfather. I think taking care of people is a part of my life, a part of my DNA. And it was kind of a semi natural fit, because the wars that were in in Iraq and Afghanistan has produced a lot of trauma, both physical and mental. And my wife and I were in a position to help and we donated some land, we built this beautiful retreat here in Virginia and people come here and try to heal from the wounds of war. So, although it's a lot different when you look at it on paper, I feel like I just it was just a natural progression. We had hit our peak of success financially which allowed us to do some things that we could do to help others a lot more.
Lauren Stenger: Our uncle was in the military, and he went to Boulder Crest. He really got so much healing from your whole program. So it's cool. How, like, everything in your past has led up to you creating Boulder Crest.
Ken Falke: I always tell people the military is like a family. Especially the small communities like your uncle and I came from. The Special Operations community, there's not many people that get there. So the fraternity is very strong. So it's nice. It's nice to stay connected.
What do you think has motivated you to devote your life to helping others?
Ken Falke: I think there was this kind of natural progression. Now that I'm in it, and I realize how bad the problem is, you know, we have an epidemic of suicide in our country with approximately 128 Americans a day take their own lives. The suicide rate for veterans is about 20 to 22 of those 128. So it's a substantial number. And what I've learned is that the system itself, the mental health care system, the people that are in the mental health care system, don't seem to be innovating as fast as they need to. I come from a little bit of a technology background where we were finding and disarming bombs on the battlefield and our technology and our innovation had to occur very fast. And, and I just don't see that in mental health care. For 10 years now, the suicide rates have only gone up, they haven't gone down. So what we're trying to do is really transform the way mental health care is provided. And it's an uphill battle, you know, we're fighting, fighting a big system that's very well embedded and, and it's a challenge, but you know, I'm always up for a good fight.
Lauren Stenger: So my next question is a little bit of a big one.
Not everyone has the privilege of attending Boulder Crest. And, people have past trauma not just from the military. So what advice would you give to anyone that's trying to recover from trauma?
Ken Falke: Well, I think it is a great question. The program we run at Boulder Crest is based on the science of something called Post Traumatic Growth. And the military doesn't have the lock and keys on trauma, as you as you mentioned, everybody in life struggles. And that's one of the challenges of the mental health system is that it's not that accessible. And sometimes, we aren't as good friends, to our friends that we need to be, we're not there for them when we need to be. And everybody, especially now with COVID, and you guys being away at school, you probably understand this firsthand. There's a lot of challenges. People are scared right now, and elections coming up, and all these kinds of crazy things that are going on. We get asked a lot, does the work we do with veterans translate into kind of the civilian population, and we believe it does. We wrote a book, it's called Struggle Well: Thrive in the Aftermath of Trauma. I would suggest that anybody who's struggling read it, because I think it gives you a really good idea of what a good life looks like. And that's what we believe the opposite of suicide is really living the great life. And not being down on yourself because you know, your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, not to minimize any of that trauma. But you've got to be able, if you're living a good life, and you've put all these protective factors around you, you can get through anything and that's what we talk about in the book. So I'd encourage you to, to share that.
How has kindness played a role in your life, and why do you make it a priority to spread kindness?
Ken Falke: Well, it's been a big part of my life; I was lucky enough to grow up in this great, kind family. I did have one grandfather who was an alcoholic, and wasn't the nicest person in the world. But you know, when I think about it, it's like you always learned from the good and the bad. And that's really what I did. I learned from this great family and this great community that I grew up in. I learned how not to be bad from this grandfather that I had. I'm not a really religious person, I grew up as a Catholic and went through all the challenges of that. But I am a very spiritual person, I believe that there's something bigger than all of us. And I'm not sure what that is yet, as most of us are still confused or understanding. But I do believe that there's really cool guy named Jesus walked on this earth one time, and was really sharing some cool messages, you know, treat people the way you want to be treated. Don't be a jerk. Help others. These small little tidbits are what I believe we all need to do. I think if we all did that, the world would be a much greater place. It's a huge challenge. It sounds simple, but it's a huge challenge.
Lauren Stenger: It sounds so simple, but then our personal struggles get in the way or our own selfishness. It's just such a great little reminder, the importance of just being kind because if everyone had a little bit of that, l feel like the whole world would be lifted up a little bit. But it's easy to forget.
Ken Falke: We get wrapped up in our day to day busy lives. It's easy to forget other people. That's why I tell people, if you're a goal setter, one of the goals of the week should be to go to the local soup kitchen or the food bank, or, you know, somewhere and help somebody the local adoption agency and wash blankets. There's so many things around this world that you can do to help something in somebody else. You got to write it down, and you got to make it a part of your routine get up and go.
Kate Stenger: I feel like with COVID, it's been a little bit harder to serve others, but there's still so many ways to help out.
Ken Falke: I totally agree with that. I don't want to say it's selfish, but if we just put our mask on and just stay at our house, who's going to help the others? I just watched it here in the county I live in, you know, people going out and helping feed the doctors, nurses and firefighters. Maybe the service changes a little bit, but the people that are homeless, people that are starving, all that stuff still has to get done.
Lauren Stenger: Okay, so Kate and I are 17 years old. And we are just wondering, for you personally, looking back to when you were 17, what advice would you give your 17-year-old self?
What advice would you give your 17-year-old self?
Ken Falke: You guys sent me the questions, and I saw that one and I literally lost sleep over it. Let me tell you two things. The first one is, I regret nothing. When I looked at my life today, I don't think it could be any richer. So, the first part of me says, don't change a thing. Be yourself. You know, I wasn't a great kid, right? Terrible, terrible student, but all those lessons in life kind of got me here. A part of me says I wouldn't change anything. If I was giving advice to myself, it would probably be listen to people with experience more than I did. It's really easy, and I'm sure you guys can agree, to think that you know it. You’re 16 or 17 and there's all this experience and your mom and your dad tell you something and you're like, what does that old geezer know? But there's a lot to be said for experience. And I think maybe, in hindsight, I kind of wish I would have listened a little.
Kate Stenger: That's a good reminder for us, because I mean, teenagers can get kind of caught up in their own world and focus on themselves, and they think they know best. And also, it's really relieving to hear that maybe you weren't the best high school student, but you still had a really successful life. Because as high schoolers, it can be kind of stressful. You kind of think who you are in high school determines, like, if you have good grades, I get into good college and stuff. But it's reassuring to hear that, you know, you can still be successful, even if you are top of the class,
Ken Falke: I went back and did my master's degree at Georgetown University at 50 years old. So I don't think it's eever too late to start learning. And I am a very good student of life today. But when I was, you know, 16 and 17, I was more interested in girls and cars and hockey. And college was a farthest thing from my mind, I grew up in a construction family, I thought I was going to, you know, as the oldest son of my family, I thought I would eventually take over the construction company. So I tried to learn construction trade. I did love the beach, and I rather be at the beach and in school, so I skipped way too much.
How have other combat veterans’ stories at Boulder Crest personally affected you?
Ken Falke: I think it's affected me in a positive way. The stories are, the stories are sad. I mean we get a lot of men and women who come here, and it's really their last shot, they've tried 20 or 30 different things from therapies to pharmaceuticals, many of them have attempted suicide, horrible, sad stories, people who just basically thought their lives were over. And this is the last chance and they thought they'd take the chance. So we hear a lot of bad stories, I think what's so rewarding to me is the stories I hear after they've been through our program. How it saved their life, how it got them onto a different track, how they're moving forward now, knowing that nothing's wrong with them. Our message here is that nothing's wrong with you. It's just the fact that something happened, and what happened is something that we have to we have to work through. But so many people in the traditional mental health world will lead you to believe that something's wrong with you and diagnose you and throw a label on you. There are all these different labels, and as humans, once we accept those labels, they become a sentence for life. And that's what we do is we just want to really get through this with the help of our friends and the help of our neighbors. I will tell you one story because somebody wrote me a beautiful letter a couple of weeks ago. It was a single mom, female combat veteran who was a single mom, and she came here and had a boyfriend. She came here with a broken arm, we found out that it was her boyfriend who pushed her down the stairs and broke her arm. She left our program; she got out of a toxic relationship. She and her daughter are back together, she has custody of her daughter, she's no longer homeless. That type of story is really what inspires me to get up every morning because my job is raising money to keep this foundation going because we're privately funded through generous donors. So every morning, I gotta get up and convince people that we have a story. And these are the stories that I like to share.
How is the program structured? What does a day look like at Boulder Crest?
Ken Falke: We've created an 18-month long program that starts with a week that's very intense here. It's very much cut out like military training. So our military veterans who come through, understand that type of military training, they go from 6:30am with some sort of physical activity until 8:30pm. We end the day talking about our wins for the day around the fire. During that day, we mix in a combination of group therapy sessions, and then we go outdoors and we do activities outdoors, and then those activities. There's a lot of traditional psychotherapy work. So I'll give you one example. We do Archery. So, archery is a fun thing to do, and we try to make it fun as well during this activity. When we bring guys and gals in for the archery, the first thing we do is we talk about the history of archery. Everything we do at Boulder Crest has some sort of a warrior connotation. Archery is the oldest form of weaponry in the world that we know other than the rock. We try to create this military tie to it. Next we do a mindfulness-based meditation where we talk about all this stuff: how holding the string back on the bow is like holding stress in our bodies, how hitting the target is like the focus it takes to set and achieve a goal. So we'll talk through all of that and go through a guided and mindfulness-based meditation. Then we'll go shoot arrows and try to get people to hit those hit the target by teaching them. Many of them have never shot a bow and arrow before, so we teach them how to hit the target. Once they start hitting the target, we start having really hard conversations with them, that kind of traditional psychotherapy: questions about their relationships, and other things, some of their past trauma. We can watch, you know, there'll be shooting and hitting the target, and then you'll ask them a question about how their lifestyle with their boyfriend or girlfriend or wife, and the arrow flies all the way into the woods. And then after that archery session, which goes on for two or three hours, we blindfold them, and we'll have one of their partners stand behind them and try to get them to hit the target by just telling them whether to move left or right or up and down. The moral of that story is really that most people when they try to adjust the person in front of them, they're right up on their shoulders, and their perspective on the target is the same as the person is blindfolded. And what the lesson learned there is that you have to step back sometimes in life to get a bigger perspective. So that's what we do in these outdoor activities. We do hiking, kayaking, archery, we do a lot of things, and all of them have the same theme throughout.
Lauren Stenger: It's really cool how the program is not just lectures about PTG, but it seems very action oriented and hands on.
Ken Falke: Our brains learn in many different ways. What we try to do as ignite all the senses,
Lauren Stenger: Thank you so much for chatting with us today. I learned so much. I'm definitely going to go back and re listen to those 10 keys to success.
Ken Falke: Thank you both and good luck with everything in school. Stay healthy.
